I just pynch a tree in the face
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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