so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
