so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
