Yo dont text me then not text me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
