Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
