He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
