I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
