You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
