I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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