i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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