It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
