Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
