Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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