evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
