Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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