I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My feet surprised me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
