So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
