He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
