He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
