Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
