My sheets look like a crime scene.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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