I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
