My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
