It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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