He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
