the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
