Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
