On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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