If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
