I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
