i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
