3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
