I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
