9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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