Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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