It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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