So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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