Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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