Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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