What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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