I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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