Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
