I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
