just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
