RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize