Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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