Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
