Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
