I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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