She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
even my farts smell like vagina
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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