Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize