I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
