i think i have two assholes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
