doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
