she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry about my life...
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