I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
