A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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