She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
