My liver just broke up with me...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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