It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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