i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
