guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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