And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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