Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
