oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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