he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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